The Flame and the Flower by Katherine Woodiwiss

Skeptic scale: ♥♥ 
The Queen of Bodice Rippers

It's hard to talk about this book without mentioning its context in the history of the genre. Especially since it was the book that actually helped define the genre. It must have been so thrilling/shocking to have picked this book up in 1972. Imagine being a young Skeptic, having never before read an explicit sex scene in a romance novel, picking this little piece of goodness up and being faced with a rather full-on rape scene in the first 40 pages! 

It's stupid to try and "judge" the material in today's context, but let me just say this thing reads ... interestingly... this second time around, after having read all the generations of historical romance that have been written since. It's hyperbolic (sex scene: stars, heaven, bursting, shattering), and expansive (poor orphan, horrible abuse at the hands of men, journey across the high seas, introduction to an untamed new world) and if it wasn't the Classic it is, it's a pretty horrendous read.

I don't mean any disrespect to the Duenna of the grand tradition of the historical romance as we know it, so I'll doff my hat and drop a curtsy to her right now before I begin outlining the wtfs that had me rolling my eyes in my journey.

1) The Hero and heroine were tres idiotique and never, ever COMMUNICATE like adults: Granted that the heroine was 18 when they meet, but having been 18 myself, I would have bloody well said something like, hey dude - I'm not a prostitute, I'm actually just lost, so you should probably not try to have sex with me. And I get that he's horny and not thinking clearly, but surely he had the company of his right hand for all those months at sea, and unlike a lion or a horse or a wombat who couldn't possibly take care of matters by themselves, this dude could have behaved a little less like a ravening beast and more like a dude who just wanted a little female company. 

And worse than the actual rape (ACK!) was the hero's rather amused reaction when he realizes his mistake. I mean, what the WHAT THE WHAT???? I get that times may have been "rougher" then, but surely he might have spared a moment's regret at having basically hurt and ruined this chick! What a dummy.

2) Fake tension: After the weird rape scene, there is about 80% of the book where the hero behaves like a chaste little choirboy. A moody, irritable little sh!t in other words. God, that guy was the WORST. He's mean and silly and seems unable to communicate like an adult man. And then, when they eventually DO get it on after this torturous almost-year of frustrated chastity, he's kinda nice. So all the aggression and black humor was just a case of extreme sexual frustration?? Again, something that could have been solved in about 100 seconds of him getting cozy with his hand. C'mon bro.

I wonder if their not sleeping together while she is pregnant had more to do with some sort of squeamishness from the audience at the time than something the author necessarily wanted to show? These days, romances seem to have gone the opposite direction with couples going at it like bunnies while she's preggers. Which I don't know if I'm totally into either...

3) The heroine has zero personality: Unless you call being young and hot a personality. She's a scaredy puss in her every interaction with "danger" or intimidation. Fine, she's young. She shows the occasional flash of temper but then it subsides at the first sign of conflict. Ok, she's young and has had a hard life that have left her gun shy. She doesn't seem to have any interests (except taking baths - there are like 25 bath scenes in this book - I appreciate the nod to cleanliness, but c'mon.) People either hate or like her because of her beauty. Her husband basically falls for her because of her ravishing figure and pretty face. But apart from the beauty thing and the youth thing, there doesn't seem to be much going for her.

Maybe this is a way to make the heroine's character more of a "vessel" into which the reader can pour in her own personality and feel all the events with more sympathy? I dunno. I just thought she was lame.

4) Two-dimensional characters: The baddies are BAD. And there are SO MANY BADDIES. Her abusive aunt. Her aunt's lecherous brother. The rapey villain. The hero's jealous lover. The hero for most of the book. The hero's horse was kinda of a d!ck too, come to think of it. I'd have enjoyed a 3rd dimension on some of this stuff.

Anyway, I'll stop there. Would I read this book again? Never. Should you read it? Obvi, sisters. Obvi. It's part of the canon. And when you read a romance novel with the passion that many of us do, you need to know where the genre has come from. Think of it like reading Othello or Moby Dick or some other tedious read that you somehow convince yourself is "art" and clever and enriching.

Skeptic's last word: My recommendation would be to read it aloud, in the company of other Skeptics. In fact, I wish I had read this aloud with my husband and watched his reactions. It would have been a great experience to be able to explain my way through some of the riduculosity that was going on. Ooh. Maybe I WILL read it again, after all!

Mr. Impossible by Loretta Chase

Skeptic scale: ♥♥♥♥
Boy Likes Girl and Is Perfectly Clear About It, Saving Girl A Lot of Time and Energy: "It isn't simple for me," he cut in, stabbed again. "This must be Egyptian lust, because it isn't at all what I'm used to. I have...feelings."

He: Rupert Carsington is the rapscallion 4th son of the Earl of Hargate who has been banished to Egypt by his father. He's confident (cocky?), cheerful and too charming for his own good.

She: Daphne Pembroke is a wealthy widow of a much older man. She's a brilliant Egyptologist who studies hieroglyphics and ancient artifacts along with her brother.

Conflict: Daphne's brother is kidnapped by a band of villains and she is determined to find him. She goes to the British consulate in Egypt and requests reinforcements in her quest to find her brother. The consulate gives her Rupert Carsington who, at first blush at least, seems like a boneheaded fool. As they travel through Egypt in their quest to recover her mislaid brother, however, Daphne realizes he's actually much more than a good-natured blockhead. She has to overcome her reservations about Rupert to really risk her heart to another man.

What I loved:

1) What a stupendous hero! Tall, rakishly good looking Rupert Carsington is a good old fashioned British hero - a charming, roguish aristocrat with a penchant for trouble making and a heart of pure gold. He faces danger with dry wit and irrepressible good humor. Unlike other alpha heroes however, he does not suffer dark moods or a tortured past. He's not "broken" in any way and doesn't need any fixing by our heroine.

He actually reminded me of that hilarious hero/anti hero, Harry Flashman from George MacDonald Fraser's The Flashman Papers - a series set in the 1840s about another charming British rogue who always seems to land on his feet in spite of his insistence on charging into any scuffle within 10 miles of him. The difference is that Flashman was not a good person at all (he's a liar, a thief, a slave-trader, a philanderer and more), but our hero has all his charming attributes and none of the bad ones. 

2) Words, words, words. Loretta Chase is simply brilliant. She writes dialogue so you feel like you're actually hearing the screenplay of a movie. The language is perfect and she doesn't slip into American-isms. 

For example. This is one of my all time favorite romantic "reveal" scenes, where the characters share their feelings for one another. Could have easily been Mayor McCheesy, but in LC's hands, it was unbelievably sweet:

He said. "...You didn't need to warn me off. I know we're obliged to observe the proprieties. That's why I wish we were elsewhere."

"It doesn't matter where we are," she said. "This isn't the Arabian Nights. It was exciting, once-twice-to be carried away-"

"Was that all?" he said, and something stabbed inside, making him hot and cold at the same time. "You were carried away?"

"What did you want me to say?" 

He didn't have an answer. "I don't know," he said at last. "But you must say something more than that. You're the genius, not I."

"The matter doesn't require cleverness," she said. "What we experienced was lust, pure and simple - well, not pure-"

"It isn't simple for me," he cut in, stabbed again. "This must be Egyptian lust, because it isn't at all what I'm used to. I have...feelings."

I know, right? If only boys had been that clear with me in my youth. So much time could have been saved.

What was only ok:
1) I actually enjoyed the setting - Egypt in the 1820s. The heroine clearly is passionate about the history and legend of the place, but honestly, I thought it was a little much. Especially all the descriptions of the land as Daphne and Rupert make their way across the desert. But all that description was interspersed with PLENTY of action (the two seem to be set upon by thieves and bandits at every turn), so I can't really complain.

The Rose Garden by Susanna Kearsley

Skeptic scale: ♥♥♥

Eva's beautiful and charming sister dies leaving Eva unmoored and looking for a place to call home. She returns to the summer home of her childhood, Trelowarth mansion in Cornwall where she and her sister shared many happy memories. While there Eva starts experiencing some strange "hallucinations" of a time in the 1700s at Trelowarth. It turns out these aren't hallucinations but she's actually traveling back several centuries and meets people who are involved in the Jacobin uprising to return the Catholic King James from his exile in France in order to take over England's Protestant rule of Scotland. These men are also privateers - smugglers of contraband like brandy, tobacco, lace and other goods the British government taxes heavily.

One of the men she meets is the mysterious, handsome Daniel Butler - staunch Jacobite and privateer who captains his own ship The Sally. Eva passes in and out of the time periods without warning and she can't really control the timing of when she enters and leaves each period.

I don't like supernatural, magical stuff at all. The time-traveling was perhaps a little too much for me but I will say that SK is such a good writer that some of the romance of the story did sneak in and make me happy that the two main characters found each other - even if it was a cross-century romance. Talk about long distance!

The book was well-written and develops a nice, moody atmosphere but I just didn't buy the love story. Why does she love him? He's tall, dark and handsome, sure but what else? The two characters spend very little time getting to know one another and I don't buy that if someone from the future comes to visit, you don't immediately sit them down and make them tell you everything they know. Wouldn't you just be naturally curious? The characters in the 1700s seem to be a uniquely un-curious lot. The H does some gentle questioning (about the invention of matches!? There is a political event going on that could change the course of history and you want to know about matches?) and the h is extremely guarded about sharing her knowledge so as not to spoil things and rend the space-time continuum. 

The point SK wanted to make was that ultimately, even if you know what the future holds, you still need to do what you must in the present. But I guess I fundamentally don't believe that* so the story was a little tough for me to truly fall for. 

* The plot to return King James to the throne of Scotland ultimately failed and a lot of people lost their lives. If you know what will happen in the future, even if you can't change it, wouldn't you do everything in your power to at least minimize the horror for as many people as you could? This is what I find frustrating and confusing about time-traveling stories that tell you the future is "fixed". Seems like a fateful and passive way to think about things. You may as well not exist at all then - because the future will just happen all the same without you in it. 

Good Groom Hunting by Shana Galen

Skeptic scale: ♥♥♥
Hmmmm. I wanted to like this more than I did. I loved that pirate one SG wrote and this one had some of the same positives - interesting H & h back stories, adventure story involving pirates and lost treasure - I noticed that it was even edited by one of my FAVORITE editors May Chen (who did some of Julie Anne Long's stuff). But I don't know... it just felt flat. 

She: 18 year old gently bred lady of the bon ton. She may be youthful but she is full of beans. She has half of a treasure map that her piratical grandfather left her and she's determined to find the other half so that she can find her fortune and be a truly independent women entirely free from society's restrictions.

He: Newly returned from India, this Earl was the black sheep of the family who spent his salad days ruining ladies and wagering away the family fortune. His elder brother and the parental favorite passes away leaving him the heir to the Earldom. He must take the saddle to make amends for his dissolute youth. His grandfather, who was also a pirate and a partner to the heroine's buccaneering granddaddy (that's right - there were TWO pirates) left him the other half of a treasure map - he just has to find it where that half is. To restore the coffers, he needs a fortune. Luckily he knows someone with the other half of a pirate map that leads to a chest full of shiny Spanish doubloons...

Conflict: She wants to be wealthy and independent - not just a wife but a career adventuress. He wants to regain the respect of his family and fulfill the role of Earl with dignity. They both need the booty. Ahem. 

Can they work together and trust each other to share the treasure once they find it?

Not a terrible plot, right? You figure you're in for some gadding about with a cutlass and evading  capture by some stealthy villains out to steal your gold. Alas, no. There were maybe 2 chapters of fun and games and the rest of it sort of just dripped along predictably - whispered innuendo at balls and trying to evade irate overprotective mothers. Sigh.


Let's talk it out and maybe I can figure out what was keeping me from truly hearting this book:

1) The age gap between H & h - she's 18 and he's 32. I know this wouldn't have been atypical at the time, but it was disturbing to read. The h was supposed to be this adventurous, risk-taking type - she could have been 23 and been those things. The extreme youth didn't really help the story in any way that I could see so it was just weird and slightly gross.

2) The chemistry was choppy and uneven. There wasn't a proper build up, more just events (fumbles in the dark, really) along the way that contribute to both of them feeling the bubbles. It was really more about finding the treasure. Which is fine, but didn't really create a lot of oopmh in the tension between the H&h. 

3) It sort of dragged at the end. I know the author was trying to tie up all lose ends (treasure, family, H&h etc) but after they Fall In Love and find the treasure, I immediately lost interest and had to skip read the last couple chapters. 

The Rogue Pirate's Bride by Shana Galen

Skeptic Scale: ♥♥♥♥♥

Ahoy me mateys! International Talk Like Pirate Day is on September 19th. That should give you enough time to brush up on the language of swashbucklers and sinners!

I cracked open this book and almost immediately it was like someone off a film set for Pirates of the Caribbean yelled "Lights! Camera! Action!" and Boom! Kapow! The flurry or activity never stopped until I turned the last page. I don't think the story was necessarily anything totally new. It was more of a superbly executed summer blockbuster than something profound and intense starring Cate Blanchett. And you know what? No disrespect to Ms. Blanchett, but huzzah! 

She: Raeven Russell, daughter of a British admiral, is out to avenge her fiance's death. The person she is after is the notorious scourge of the seas - Captain Cutlass. Raeven is up for the challenge. She be a saucy wench, swashbuckling and strong and pretty handy with a sword.

He: The erstwhile Marquis de Valère, aka Bastien Harcourt, aka Captain Cutlass, has a colorful past. He was run out of France during the revolution when he was only a child and has spent his life on the wide open sea pillaging and privateering. Cutlass is a pirate, true, but he's is a cultivated brigand, and roguishly charming to boot.

Conflict: Well, there's the whole thing about her trying to kill him to avenge the death of her fiance. But that's not the real conflict. The real conflict is the utter inappropriateness of the attraction they feel for one another - he did (unwittingly) cause her fiance's death, and he is a pirate and someone her father, a naval officer of the Crown, is compelled to apprehend - they obviously cannot be together. But when they are, it's all so perfect, you can't see another choice for them.

A note about piratical bathing habits. They are poor. I know just like you never hear about characters going to the loo in a story, you shouldn't really need to hear about them taking baths - except when mentioned in a sexual context. But it was a real point of distraction for me. Just imagining the rankness of that ship's hold... I'm not sure I'm ready for that kind of adventure.

Anyway, my concerns about maritime sanitation aside, SG gave us some good old fashioned fun with this story. I can't wait to read another pirate book. I will dig around and see what I turn up.